Ever since I heard the news about Robin Williams, lately I have been thinking about my life and the changes that have occurred in just the last few years. My entire life I have been expected to be perfect and fit this mold, do what was expected, shut my mouth and put on a happy show. Mix that with childhood abuse and then more abuse in my early adult life, it became a nightmare. After more than a couple decades of dealing with this, going through the cycles, it's exhausting. It caused me to be deeply depressed, have anxiety, panic attacks, weight problems, hormone issues, headaches/migraines, lost vision, insomnia, body dismorphia, food issues, drinking issues, crying uncontrollably, you name it and I was going through it.
Most don't know what I have gone through because it's only been until the past year where I have started to open up and share my stories, my experiences and my life.
The first thing I realized is that I needed to take things day by day. I couldn't focus on the future, just today and the moment I was in. I knew that if I didn't change things and get out of where I was, I would be forever lost and dead inside.
It took me a long time to heal and learn to love life. Depression and all the other things I went through and felt are serious. I now am open about my experiences and walk through this world unafraid, unashamed as a proud survivor. I am grateful I was able to get through it and now I am here to help others. If you are going through depression or need someone to talk to, please reach out. There is no shame or embarrassment in what you are feeling. It's real.